I haven't written a scatological poem in almost a week, so here goes (the first section, at least).
A Few Thoughts on Our Educational System
1. Abstraction
So after his first day of kindergarten
my cousin came home so excited about
numbers and letters and crayons and snack
that while talking to his mom he lifted
toy box lid, lowered his pants, and pissed
on his Legos and Lincoln Logs and Weebles.
He did not realize his mistake until he tried to flush.
2. Taxonomy
In third grade, my son misheard “nocturnal”,
as “not turtle” and thought there were just
two types of animals – turtles and not turtles.
In fourth grade, he learned about Us and Them.
3. Discipline
When the class is too unruly, I sometimes give
a detention to the quietest kid. Hitters respect
pitchers who are sometimes a little wild.
4. Memorization
My daughter claims she was the one who heard “not turtle.”
All my cousins claim it was someone else who peed on his toys.
I don’t know for sure. I just pretend to be certain.
That’s what it means to be a grown-up.
Notes for foreign readers:
1. Lincoln Logs are a wooden building toys, small logs with notches that allow you to build log cabins, just like our 16th president did.
2. Weebles are small plastic figures with round bottoms. The ad says, "Weebles will wobble, but they won't fall down."
3. Hitters and pitchers refer to baseball, in which a pitcher who throws an occasional pitch close to the batter, into the dirt, etc. keeps the batter from being completely comfortable and ready to hit the ball when it's thrown where it could be hit. (By the way, I actually seldom give detentions. Some teachers do exactly what I describe, though.)
A Few Thoughts on Our Educational System
1. Abstraction
So after his first day of kindergarten
my cousin came home so excited about
numbers and letters and crayons and snack
that while talking to his mom he lifted
toy box lid, lowered his pants, and pissed
on his Legos and Lincoln Logs and Weebles.
He did not realize his mistake until he tried to flush.
2. Taxonomy
In third grade, my son misheard “nocturnal”,
as “not turtle” and thought there were just
two types of animals – turtles and not turtles.
In fourth grade, he learned about Us and Them.
3. Discipline
When the class is too unruly, I sometimes give
a detention to the quietest kid. Hitters respect
pitchers who are sometimes a little wild.
4. Memorization
My daughter claims she was the one who heard “not turtle.”
All my cousins claim it was someone else who peed on his toys.
I don’t know for sure. I just pretend to be certain.
That’s what it means to be a grown-up.
Notes for foreign readers:
1. Lincoln Logs are a wooden building toys, small logs with notches that allow you to build log cabins, just like our 16th president did.
2. Weebles are small plastic figures with round bottoms. The ad says, "Weebles will wobble, but they won't fall down."
3. Hitters and pitchers refer to baseball, in which a pitcher who throws an occasional pitch close to the batter, into the dirt, etc. keeps the batter from being completely comfortable and ready to hit the ball when it's thrown where it could be hit. (By the way, I actually seldom give detentions. Some teachers do exactly what I describe, though.)
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