For some reason, I got thinking about how real events can become myths and then get misremembered, exaggerrated, mixed-up, mashed-up, and generally mangled over time. Then I thought about baseball legends and tall tales - and what might happen to them over time, and about how baseball is like a religion to some people. (Actually, I thought of the warped twist on the Babe Ruth story first, the others followed, and then I realized what I was doing.) My apologies to foreign readers and/or non-baseball fans. This list poem will make even less sense to you than to baseball fanatics (if it even makes any sense to them). I'll provide explanatory notes at the end.
Legends of the Game
Babe Ruth pointed his bat toward the right field stands
and a young boy became terminally ill.
Ty Cobb used to put cobra venom on his spikes.
Lou Gehrig tried to sell the naming rights to his disease,
but there were no takers.
Walter “Big Train” Johnson had a deadly fear of locomotives.
Joe DiMaggio had a black rose placed on Jim Morrison’s grave
every day until his own death.
Babe Ruth pointed his bat toward the center field stands
and the scoreboard caught on fire.
Bobby Thompson fought in the Battle of Lexington.
Maury Wills once stole second before he got to first.
Sandy Koufax insisted that Dodger Stadium be kept kosher.
Rogers Hornsby was related to Johns Hopkins.
Satchel Paige pitched his last game from a wheelchair.
Kirk Gibson was a double amputee when he hit
his famous World Series homer.
Reggie Jackson was known as “Mr. November.”
Babe Ruth pointed his bat toward the left field stands
and the Red Sea parted, then reunited to drown
the Boston Red Sox, but on the third day
they rose again.
Notes for non-baseball fans who haven't given up on this poem in disgust:
Babe Ruth held the home run record for decades. He supposedly promised to hit a home run for a sick young boy and called his shot by pointing to the outfield with his bat.
Lou Gehrig died of a degenerative nerve disease now named after him.
Joe DiMaggio, once married to Marilyn Monroe, reportedly had flowers left every day on her grave, the way Jim Morrison fans decorate his grave in Paris.
Ty Cobb reportedly sharpened the spikes on his shoes, the better to wound his opponents with when he slid into a base.
Walter Johnson was a pitcher nicknamed "Big Train" for his speed and power. I know nothing about his phobias, if he had any.
Bobby Thompson hit a home run in a play-off game that was dubbed "The Shot Heard Round the World", as was the opening shot of the American Revolution at Lexington.
Cal Ripken, Jr. broke Lou Gehrig's record for playing in consecutive games.
Maury Wills was a famous base stealer. (It's too complicated to explain here if you don't already know what that means.)
Rogers and Johns both have unexpectedly plural first names, that's all.
Sandy Koufax was a legendary Jewish pitcher who once refused to pitch a very important game on a Jewish holiday.
Satchel Paige kept pitching when he was incredibly old.
Kirk Gibson hit a home run in the World Series when he was injured and could barely run.
Reggie Jackson did so well in the World Series that he was called "Mr. October", the month when the World Series was played traditionally. Now the baseball season is so long that the World Series is beginning to edge into November.
After the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees, they were supposedly cursed and did not win another World Series for something like 80 years.
Legends of the Game
Babe Ruth pointed his bat toward the right field stands
and a young boy became terminally ill.
Ty Cobb used to put cobra venom on his spikes.
Lou Gehrig tried to sell the naming rights to his disease,
but there were no takers.
Walter “Big Train” Johnson had a deadly fear of locomotives.
Joe DiMaggio had a black rose placed on Jim Morrison’s grave
every day until his own death.
Babe Ruth pointed his bat toward the center field stands
and the scoreboard caught on fire.
Bobby Thompson fought in the Battle of Lexington.
Maury Wills once stole second before he got to first.
Sandy Koufax insisted that Dodger Stadium be kept kosher.
Rogers Hornsby was related to Johns Hopkins.
Satchel Paige pitched his last game from a wheelchair.
Kirk Gibson was a double amputee when he hit
his famous World Series homer.
Reggie Jackson was known as “Mr. November.”
Babe Ruth pointed his bat toward the left field stands
and the Red Sea parted, then reunited to drown
the Boston Red Sox, but on the third day
they rose again.
Notes for non-baseball fans who haven't given up on this poem in disgust:
Babe Ruth held the home run record for decades. He supposedly promised to hit a home run for a sick young boy and called his shot by pointing to the outfield with his bat.
Lou Gehrig died of a degenerative nerve disease now named after him.
Joe DiMaggio, once married to Marilyn Monroe, reportedly had flowers left every day on her grave, the way Jim Morrison fans decorate his grave in Paris.
Ty Cobb reportedly sharpened the spikes on his shoes, the better to wound his opponents with when he slid into a base.
Walter Johnson was a pitcher nicknamed "Big Train" for his speed and power. I know nothing about his phobias, if he had any.
Bobby Thompson hit a home run in a play-off game that was dubbed "The Shot Heard Round the World", as was the opening shot of the American Revolution at Lexington.
Cal Ripken, Jr. broke Lou Gehrig's record for playing in consecutive games.
Maury Wills was a famous base stealer. (It's too complicated to explain here if you don't already know what that means.)
Rogers and Johns both have unexpectedly plural first names, that's all.
Sandy Koufax was a legendary Jewish pitcher who once refused to pitch a very important game on a Jewish holiday.
Satchel Paige kept pitching when he was incredibly old.
Kirk Gibson hit a home run in the World Series when he was injured and could barely run.
Reggie Jackson did so well in the World Series that he was called "Mr. October", the month when the World Series was played traditionally. Now the baseball season is so long that the World Series is beginning to edge into November.
After the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees, they were supposedly cursed and did not win another World Series for something like 80 years.
No comments:
Post a Comment