True Picture

Like many people my age, I read the death notices in the newspaper.  All of them are pretty standard issue: beloved husband of so and so, devoted father of such and such.  Every once in a while, I'd like to see a blunt and frank notice. (Perhaps, that's why this poem is a little heavy-handed.)

                                                                   True Picture


                                                               Richard Cranston
                                                    Passed away on Februrary 25, 2011,
                                                    much older than this ancient photo looks.
                                                    Barely tolerated husband of Betty Cranston.
                                                    distant and distracted father of two resentful
                                                    children: Richard Cranston, Jr., who lives
                                                    in his parents' basement, and Alice Cranston
                                                    of as far away as she could get. Also survived
                                                    by a host of creditors and several misled
                                                    former secretaries, who are about to discover
                                                    each other’s existence. Viewing and general
                                                    theatrics at Rogers’ Funeral Home on Friday.
                                                    Donations in lieu of flowers may be given to
                                                    any of the many charities he neglected while alive.