I just had a physical. The next few poems will use that as a starting point. (A version of this poem got briefly posted earlier by mistake.)
Anxiety Dream
I had forgotten to study for my blood test,
so I tried to cram the night before.
First I ate all the healthy food I could:
oatmeal to lower my cholesterol
mixed with bananas for my potassium
and liver for the iron.
Then I exercised like a fiend,
removing the clothes that hung
from my exercise equipment and doing
fifty jumping jacks on my treadmill.
Finally, I acted with discretion
and did not share so much as a knitting
needle while my sex was so safe
it was as if it never happened.
I was still worried, though.
Who knew what trick questions
the lab would ask about white
blood cells
or HDLs?
Then I woke up in a cold sweat,
relieved that there was no blood test
until I remembered it was
a colonoscopy instead.
Anxiety Dream
I had forgotten to study for my blood test,
so I tried to cram the night before.
First I ate all the healthy food I could:
oatmeal to lower my cholesterol
mixed with bananas for my potassium
and liver for the iron.
Then I exercised like a fiend,
removing the clothes that hung
from my exercise equipment and doing
fifty jumping jacks on my treadmill.
Finally, I acted with discretion
and did not share so much as a knitting
needle while my sex was so safe
it was as if it never happened.
I was still worried, though.
Who knew what trick questions
the lab would ask about white
blood cells
or HDLs?
Then I woke up in a cold sweat,
relieved that there was no blood test
until I remembered it was
a colonoscopy instead.
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