Hollywood Sonnet

I've been privileged to be part of the poetry workshop class at Aristotle University in Thessaloniki, Greece, courtesy of Skype and Facebook.  I taught one session of Professor Katerina Kitsi's class and have also been trying their poetry assignments.  One of their latest was to transpose Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 into a different dialect or frame of reference.  I'll give you Shakespeare's first and then the version I read via Skype at the class's final Poetry Night.

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

      Hollywood Sonnet

My love’s eyes shine less than Liz Taylor’s did;
Her lips pale next to Angelina Jolie’s.
If breasts were bets, Marilyn’s would hers outbid.
Her hair’s less lush than Vivien Leigh’s.
I have seen Shirley Temple’s cheeks glow bright;
Hers look like Morticia’s by compare.
Starlets sell perfume filled with more delight
Than found in my mistress’s onion air.
I love to hear her sing, but well I know
Adele or Garland hit more pleasing note.
I never saw her in a Mercedes go;
Her Ford Focus bounces instead of floats.
    Yet I’d rather sit here, her hand in mine
    Than act in films with flawless stars divine.